


Haunted

by EdosianOrchids901



Series: Plain Simple Prompts [24]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Overworking, Post-Episode: s04e24 The Quickening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 00:24:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16006421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdosianOrchids901/pseuds/EdosianOrchids901
Summary: Dialogue prompt: “You're making me think that what they told me about you was right.”





	Haunted

**Author's Note:**

> Part of a series of ficlets based on dialogue prompts from Tumblr. Written 3/18.

No matter what I did, I couldn’t get their faces out of my head. Even as I searched for a cure, they haunted me. All of them, really, but especially Ekoria. 

With a short sigh, I tried again to focus. I certainly wasn’t going to find a cure for the Teplan Blight by sitting here stewing about all the people I’d failed to save. Was still failing to save. 

“Doctor?”

Frustrated at the interruption, I looked up to see Garak standing in the door. “Elim, hi. Do you need something?”

“Oh, not really.” He stepped inside without waiting for my invitation. He had on his best customer service expression, but I could see the apprehension underlying it. 

“Obviously there’s something, or you wouldn’t be interrupting me while I’m working.” My tone came out sharper than intended. 

Taken aback, he paused, evaluating me. “My dear, you were gone for several weeks. It’s been a bit lonely without you.”

“And?”

He blinked at me. “And now that you’ve returned at last, you’ve barely been home. You’re working all hours, sleeping in your office. And, I admit, I’m not exactly fond of resting alone in a cold bed. As I said, it’s rather lonely.”

“Garak, I don’t have time for this!” I snapped, pushing to my feet without even realizing I was getting up. “I don’t have time to worry about whether you’re warm enough, I’m doing important work here! People are dying! You’ll have to excuse me if I’m not all that concerned about whether or not you’re lonely.”

Cocking his head, he continued to stare at me. “You’re making me think that what they told me about you was right.”

Sudden worst-case scenarios leapt into my mind. Someone had found out about my genetic enhancements. Or, almost as bad, that someone knew about how horrible my parents were, and had told him to expect mistreatment from me. That was more likely, especially considering I’d essentially just yelled at him for having wants and needs.

Feeling almost sick at the thought that I was in any way like my father, I leaned on the edge of my desk. “What did they tell you?” I asked, my voice faint. I couldn’t bring myself to meet his eyes, too afraid of what I’d see there. 

Garak stepped closer, and gently took my hands in his own. “That you’ve gone mad and are working yourself to death.”

“Oh, is that all?” I was almost breathless with relief, despite my continued distress over the Blight victims. 

“My dear Julian,” he murmured, cupping my cheek. “You mustn’t work yourself into an early grave. I’d miss you dearly, and you’d hardly be able to help people if you were dead.”

“It’s not like I’m doing them much good while I’m alive, am I?” The faces of my victims, still present in my mind, were growing increasingly accusatory. “I even killed some of them.”

“Not intentionally, I presume.” Cool fingers brushed down the side of my face. 

“It doesn’t matter if it wasn’t intentional. I’m still responsible for their deaths. And they’re still dying, Elim.” I met his gaze at last, not bothering to hide my anguish. “I can’t stop working on it. I was so arrogant, so stupid. I promised them I’d help, that I’d save them.”

He drew a long breath, contemplative. “Not saying that I broke into the station’s systems so I could read your report, but from what I understand, you did help.”

I sighed, shaking my head. “Of course you did. And I am helping future generations. But this generation? The people who are dying as we speak? I’m not helping them. That’s why I’ve got to find a cure, I have to prove that I’m not a failure, that–” 

My breath caught, and I hung my head, squeezing my eyes shut. I was a failure. 

“Oh, my darling boy.” Garak’s voice was filled with compassion. I felt him move closer, and then found myself drawn into a comforting embrace. 

Exhausted, I rested my head on his shoulder and let him hold me. It was all so much, too much, and I found myself barely able to breathe. The burden of all those lives I’d failed to save crushed me, smothered me. 

Elim rubbed my back, and I forced myself to inhale. A slow, shaky exhale, and then another inhale. 

“There, now,” he murmured, brushing his lips against my neck. “I’m not going to regale you with platitudes or try to convince you that everything is all right. I know it’s not, and it won’t be for quite some time.”

“Thanks.” Inhale, exhale…

“I know a little something about failure myself, after all.” His voice took on a soothing conversational note, the kind he might use over lunch or while we’re lying in bed. “It’s hardly something that you bounce back from without any effort. I’m well aware that you’re putting in that effort. Far too much of it, in fact.”

“I’m so tired, Elim.” The weight and trauma of the last several weeks finally registered, and I felt like I could barely keep going. “I’m just so, so tired. It was so horrible.”

“The kind of tiredness that seeps into your soul, I assume.”

“Something like that, yeah.”

He gave a soft sigh, still simply holding me. “I recognize that you’re just as likely as I am to simply hurl yourself into your work, to allow it to consume your life in an attempt to drive away the pain. You’ve seen me in that state more than once, Julian. And I ask you – if this situation were reversed, what would you tell me?”

I couldn’t find it in me to pull away, even though I wanted to glare at him. “Yes, because you absolutely went to medical school.”

“My dear, do answer the hypothetical if you please.”

I snorted, both annoyed and touched by his effort. “I would tell you that running away from your problems won’t solve anything, and that it’s important for you to rest so you can put your best effort in rather than just working yourself to exhaustion.”

“Hmm. That does sound like excellent advice, doesn’t it?” He drew back and framed my face with his hands, giving me a kind smile. 

Defeated for the moment, I sighed and touched my forehead to his chufa. “Yes, my dear Elim.”

He stroked my cheek with his thumbs, and then moved his hands to my shoulders. “Now that we’ve established that, would you be willing to come home for dinner? I won’t try to prevent you from going back to work after that if you wish, but I would very much like to spend some time with you.”

I managed a small smile. “Was this all just a ploy to get me to have dinner with you?”

“Well, I thought that simply asking wouldn’t yield particularly satisfying results. You do like playing hard to get on occasion.” Despite his light tone, his eyes showed the truth. He really was worried about me. 

“Dinner, then.” And maybe, after a break, I’d get some fresh ideas for how to help the people that I continued to fail.


End file.
